


Un-Seduceable Humans and Other Nuisances

by disastertm



Series: How To Date Your Demons [1]
Category: Shall We Date?: Obey Me!
Genre: Anal Fingering, Fluff, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Polyamory Negotiations, Rating may change in later chapters, Relationship Discussions, Riding, Shameless Smut, also group chat shenanigans, asmo's unquenchable thirst for validation, but those are to be explored in the rest of the series, default MC name because i am basic, hints of feelings for mc from the other brothers, incorrect use of pact bonds lmao, mc's unquenchable thirst for asmo, or very correct mayhap, the whole gang is there but this one's Asmo-centric, uh how does one tag The Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 11:42:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,060
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22426516
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/disastertm/pseuds/disastertm
Summary: In which Yuki has the audacity to be immune to seduction and Asmo is forced to turn to the dating advice of the six idiots he lives with.
Relationships: Asmodeus/Main Character (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!)
Series: How To Date Your Demons [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1635358
Comments: 50
Kudos: 386





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> yikes, this game really went there and took over my life, huh. this is the first in what i intend to be maybe a three-chapter thing centered around asmo and mc. note in advance that i plan to introduce polyamory into future stories, with yuki and the rest of the demons navigating their feelings for each other. asmo just seemed like the perfect one to start with. parts of this are based off some of his in-game texts, so tiny spoilers for those who haven't read those particular ones yet.
> 
> i didn't get around to editing this before my brain demanded i put it up, so please do let me know if there's any mistakes!

"What a crappy twist!" Satan, whose rage has been steadily escalating for the past several minutes, grabs a fistful of popcorn and chucks it at the TV. "First they introduce time-travel shenanigans out of nowhere, and now the main character is some distant descendant of a long-dead character? Ugh! Thanks, show, I hate it!"

Yuki wisely turns off the TV, cutting off the drama's ending theme and Satan's passionate rant all in one go. "The characters are hot, so I give it a pass," he decides, earning an amused scoff from the demon curled up at his side on the sofa. 

"Easily pleased little human," says Satan, wrath discarded in favour of teasing.

Yuki's got a witty retort on the tip of his tongue - honest, he does - but a sudden muffled sound snatches his attention. It takes him a moment to identify it as his message tone, mostly because Mammon recently insisted upon changing said tone to a repeated recording of, _'Mammon is the greatest!'_

Satan arches a brow. "You really ought to let me change that. It could say, _'if you're hearing this, you're contractually obliged to smack Mammon upside the head.'"_

"As if you need an excuse to do that," Yuki accuses mildly, corners of his mouth twitching against a grin. He fishes his D.D.D from his pocket and opens it to the new chat.

"An excuse is nice," Satan hums, leaning his head carefully into Yuki's space to read the messages over his shoulder. He's always like that: ever-so-careful about the distance between them. "Oh, it's Asmo. Wonder what he wants with you."

> **[Asmodeus & Yuki]**
> 
>   
>  **[Asmodeus] > You have to help me!**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Be a doll and come to my room? **

Go to his room? A risky proposal, really. See, Yuki (notorious dumbass with an inconvenient penchant for pretty things) doesn't particularly wanna mess up his tentative friendship with the demons of House Lamentation by doing something stupid like falling for Asmo (who is tempting and very very pretty). The guy's got Bad Idea stamped all over him - and, for all his casual flirtation, there's no way he'd really want to touch a human like Yuki. 

Satan seems to note his hesitation. "Go on. He's not going to eat you," he prompts. "Probably just wants help styling his hair or something." 

It'd be weird to refuse now. Yuki reluctantly messages back an 'OK!' emoji and uncurls himself from his comfy position on the couch. He leaves the remainder of the popcorn to Satan and drags himself to the stairs, pulling in fortifying breaths as he goes. He can do this. He can absolutely be alone with Asmodeus without doing anything dumb. 

Mid-way up the stairs, there's a vibration in Yuki's pocket and his D.D.D declares, _'Mammon is the greatest!'_ twice in rapid succession - no, four times. Four new messages.

> **[Asmodeus & Yuki]**
> 
>   
>  **[Asmodeus] > I'm actually going out soon, and this fastener is giving me so much trouble. I can't get it up by myself.**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > It could really use a good tug**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > I should mention that my back is extremely sensitive. The slightest touch, and...well let's just say it will be hard to hold back.**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > So sorry if I get you too excited <3**

Well, then. 

Turns out Yuki's biggest challenge as a human transfer student isn't surviving the Devildom; it's surviving Asmodeus and his unfailing ability to spout innuendo. 

(Is his back really sensitive? No, no - bad thoughts. Bad. Think about unsexy things like that one time Beel ate a pillow because he'd dropped food on it. God, he'd hiccuped feathers for days after that.)

Bracing himself, Yuki knocks at Asmo's door. The Avatar of Lust flings it open immediately, and - wow, Yuki should've taken a few more moments to prepare himself. There's ... a whole lot of skin on display and yikes, he's dragged into the room before he can think up an excuse to flee. The door slams shut behind him, enclosing him in the dim, moody lighting and luxurious scents of the room. Yuki suppresses a squeak. 

"You certainly took your time," Asmo grumbles, a sulky pout plumping his lips. He's wearing some kind of gloss; the lights catch it with each movement. 

Warily, Yuki lets his gaze drift upward to meet those gorgeous eyes, outlined in kohl and dramatic sweeps of pink shadow. Asmo's ... really gone all-out for tonight. His hair's rumpled, half-up and half framing his face in waves that suggest fingers have been running through it. There's a sweet, flowery smell rolling off him - the kind of smell you could drown in, clearly a perfume carefully chosen from the many bottles littering the desk. 

And his clothes...

_Leather._ It just had to be leather. Pants so tight they could be painted on, heavy black boots, and a half-fastened shirt designed to dip low on the chest and leave most of the arms bare. Attached to it is a _collar_ , of all things. 

Yuki makes a quiet sound in the back of his throat. 

Asmo, who's been watching him with knowing eyes, gives a sudden chiming laugh. "Oh, I suppose I can forgive you for being so late since you're looking at me like _that!_ Y'know, if you'd hurried, I'd have had more time to let you properly ogle me." The delight on his face veers into something a little more dangerous and he takes a step nearer, arms thrown wide and barely-fastened shirt dropping lower. "Don't I look just edible?"

"You're lovely," Yuki manages, voice a tad too breathy. He wants to take a step back, move somewhere safer so he's less obvious, but that's not what he's here for. "Uh - you wanted your shirt fastened, right? Wanna turn around for me?"

Yes. It'll be easier when those eyes aren't picking apart his reactions anymore. God, Asmo must think it's hilarious that Yuki's so easy to taunt. 

The Avatar of Lust tips his head to one side, coquettish smile widening. "You have to come a little closer for that." There's an edge of challenge in the purred tones, in the demon's enticing stance: like he's daring Yuki to approach, to discard his wariness. When Yuki hesitates, Asmo's eyes flare. "You make me feel so lonely, you know? You never touch me."

"You're being dramatic," Yuki grumbles. But he falls into the trap anyway, and inches nearer.

"Perhaps," Asmo allows, delighted all over again now that he's gotten his way. This close, he's so beautiful it's almost unreal - like a dream come to life. He turns in a single graceful movement, exposing his back. The shirt's completely open there, save for a strap across the very bottom of his spine. It looks like he's barely made any attempt at zipping the rest up for himself. The demon tilts a wicked look over his shoulder. "Don't forget what I told you, now. My back is ... very, very sensitive. If you touch me there, I might just..."

He trails off suggestively. The glint in his eyes says he's seen the heat rising on Yuki's cheeks, and knows he doesn't need to say anything else. 

Awful, awful demon. He should be left to sort out his own clothes. 

"I'll... be careful not to," Yuki mumbles, feeling like he's forcing his voice through a tightened throat. His heart's thrumming like a wild thing in his chest. 

"Oh? You don't want to?" is all Asmo says, low and teasing. 

Yuki is smart enough not to answer that. He fumbles for the shirt's zipper, curses under his breath when it slips from his hands. The second time, his grasp's firmer but the zipper gets stuck halfway up. 

"See?" Asmo purrs. "Needs a good tug."

"Are all of your clothes this complicated?" Yuki mutters under his breath, struggling with the thing. 

"They're much easier to rip off me than they are to put on," comes the reply, accompanied by a frankly unnecessary little shift of leather-clad hips - as if the thought excites him.

And that's what does it. In his haste to get the shirt fastened so he can get away before he says something dumb in response, Yuki's hand slips - he's touching warm, silky-soft skin before he realises it, fingertips sliding down the dip of Asmo's back -

The demon goes very still. A quiet noise shudders from him, breathy and surprised. Yuki freezes like a deer in headlights, trapped by the sight of his fingers on all that bare skin. He should stop this. He should. Now. He goes to draw back, but Asmodeus makes this little noise of complaint, a soft _whine_ from the back of his throat.

"See? I knew you wanted to." Slanting a devastatingly inviting look over his shoulder, Asmo reaches a hand back to grasp Yuki's hip. His touch feels hot. His lashes are lowered, lids heavy over scorching eyes. He's teasing, surely. Taunting to see how far the weak little human will go, how much he can be tempted. "It's okay. You can touch, you know? I..."

But whatever else he'd intended to say is interrupted. 

"HEY, HUMAN! WHERE YOU AT?" Mammon's yelling from somewhere just beyond the door and honestly, Yuki could kiss him. Sweet, sweet escape opportunity! "C'MON OUT, I GOTTA SHOW YOU THESE NEW MODELLIN' PICS!" 

Hastily, now that the moment of dumbassery has abandoned him, Yuki yanks Asmo's zipper up the rest of the way and wrenches himself out of touching distance. Phew! Close save. He seriously underestimated Asmo's ability to tempt his more idiotic impulses. Imagine how bad it might've been if he'd actually tried something and Asmo'd had to reject him and explain he was only teasing! 

"Uh - Mammon's calling for me. Gotta go!" And he's off, making a mad dash from the room before he can accidentally ogle Asmo again. Stupid hot demon. 

He doesn't stick around long enough to hear the Avatar of Lust sigh sulkily to himself and lament an opportunity missed. 

> **What The Hap Is Fuckening (6)**
> 
>   
>  **[Satan] > Asmo is plotting something.   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > How d'you know that??  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > I just passed by him dramatically sprawled atop the kitchen table, muttering under his breath.   
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > Ah. He has assumed the scheming position.   
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > Oh no...  
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > I'm eating my afternoon snack around him. I asked him to move but he says I'm being very insensitive and should be feeding him ice cream instead of complaining.  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > No ice cream until he tells us what clownery he's up to now.   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > CLOWNERY. Where did you learn that word?  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > What? It was...something Yuki said...  
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > LMAO I love our human  
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > Alright alright, back off!!  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > BACK TO THE POINT AT HAND.   
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > Asmo update: he has decided Beel's lap is a nicer place to scheme. I rolled him onto the floor instead :)   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > Oof... Forgot how scary you were.   
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > Asmo update 2: he says no one loves him like he deserves and humans are 'really really really dumb'.   
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Aha. So our resident human is involved in this mystery!   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > EXCUSE THE FUCK OUTTA ME  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > Why is it always the human. Why.   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > BELPHIE INTERROGATE HIM IMMEDIATELY  
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > ...Why...  
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > Please I'll do anything!  
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > Then perish.   
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH BURN ROFLMAO  
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > Satan do your detective-ing please  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Why it's elementary, my dear idiots!   
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > ...   
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Yes, that included you. Listen to this: Asmo messaged Yuki last night, inviting him to his room. Yuki seemed oddly nervous about that, now that I think about it. Asmo's been in an awful temper ever since then, right?   
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > I asked if Yuki did something to make him sad and he got really sulky and said he's never known anyone with the audacity to not be enchanted by his beauty, whatever that means...  
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > OMG  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Did Yuki... turn him down?!  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > I... don't think I remember anyone ever turning him down. He's always had anyone he wants.  
>  **   
>  **[Mammon] > LKSJFKLDJGKJHNVKDG THAT ROTTEN BASTARD MADE A MOVE ON MY YUKI  
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > Since when was the human yours?   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > SHUT YOUR MOUTH  
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > He looked really sad so I gave him half my cupcake :(   
> **   
>  **[Satan] > What did we even do to deserve you?  
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > I think I get it. Yuki's immune to Asmo's power, right? So he can't just be easily seduced. Asmo must hate that LMAO  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > I don't know that he's immune to Asmo himself...  
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > ALSKDFLKGMFKHDKJNHKCNMV  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > Mammon, please have your breakdown elsewhere.  
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > I think we should be Asmo's wingmen!  
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > I... don't know how wise that is. Feelings may get hurt, you know?  
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > Whose?!  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Ah ... hm. Good point. But maybe we should help out anyway. Who knows what kind of ridiculous schemes Asmo's thought up by now. It would be in everyone's best interest to help get him out of this temper.   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > WHAT WHAT WHAT  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > I'll tie up Mammon so he doesn't interfere. I don't particularly approve of any of us having ... relations ... with the human, but I know how Asmo gets when he decides he wants something. One of us should at least speak to Yuki and find out how he feels about all this.   
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Don't you think that ... some of us ... getting closer to Yuki was inevitable, anyway?  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > ... Someone go talk to the human before I change my mind.   
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > I told Asmo we're gonna help him. He petted my head and said I'm a good boy.   
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > You are :') Anyway, I vote Satan chats to Yuki and the rest of us go help Asmo scheme.  
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > I vote you all do that and I go to bed.   
> **   
>  **[Mammon] > SOMEONE HELP LUCIFER'S AFTER ME  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Shush. Wingmen of House Lamentation, out!**

"I didn't turn him down, exactly! It's not like that at all," Yuki finds himself bemusedly explaining later that afternoon. "Wait, wait. How do you _know_ about that, anyway?"

Satan, settled cross-legged on the bed and watching Yuki, smiles mildly. "Oh, I have my ways. So, what did happen?" 

"Damn demons," Yuki huffs. Apparently there is no such thing as secrets or private lives in this house! "Look, it was just Asmo being Asmo, right? He flirted a little, I acted the way anyone would if someone that hot got all close and wanted their clothes zipped up, and then I left and that was that. He didn't ... mean anything by it. I know that can't happen." His cheeks feel hot, the traitors. 

Satan raises a brow. "Listen. I don't claim to be an expert on the manaical inner workings of Asmo's mind, but I can tell you he's currently feeling rather upset over the whole thing. Sulking, apparently. He's never wanted anything he couldn't have before."

"Are you... trying to say he actually wants me in that way? Like, he's not just teasing because I have a stupid crush on him?" Yuki's never let himself think of it like that. 

Satan is silent for a moment, something quietly complicated crossing his expression. "Ah ... you do have feelings for him?" he murmurs, and nods to himself as if he'd expected that. "What makes you think he doesn't reciprocate?"

"I'm human. I'm a transfer student. He could have literally anyone else in the world. The list goes on." Look, Yuki's not trying to self-deprecate. He just knows how it is. "And I didn't think... I'd be allowed to have those kinds of, uh, relations with anyone here."

"I think you severely underestimate how special you are to _all_ of us." The Avatar of Wrath himself has never looked quite so soft as he does now, face turned slightly away as he speaks. "You are not some temporary amusement. And we would not stop you from pursuing relationships of any kind, if you chose it. You won't know for sure unless you give him a fair chance to show his feelings, hm?" 

Yuki's D.D.D goes off then, the Mammon ringtone terribly loud amidst the sweet moment. 

> **[Asmodeus & Yuki]**
> 
>   
>  **[Asmodeus] > We're going to be throwing a little party at Lucifugus's house after class tomorrow. Do you want to join us, Yuki?**

Satan reads the message over his shoulder, just like before. "A party. Really?" he grumbles to himself. "That's their idea of help?"

_Give him a fair chance, right?_ A strange, jittery sort of hope twists his chest. 

> **[Asmodeus & Yuki]**
> 
>   
>  **[Yuki] > I love parties!   
> **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > So do I**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > I'll be there after class to pick you up.**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Who knows, you might find yourself with a new partner at the end of it all <3 **

"A new partner?" Satan reads, and places his head in his hands. "I'm cursed with idiots. Hang on a sec, Yuki, don't answer that yet."

> **What the Hap is Fuckening (6)**
> 
>   
>  **[Satan invited Asmodeus to the group]  
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Asmo no. You're making it sound like you want him to leave with someone else! And a PARTY, really?! Which fool came up with that?  
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > Hey, it's a good idea! Yuki loves that kinda thing. They can dance, have fun together, and Asmo can prove Yuki's the only one there he's interested in. Right now, anyway...  
> **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > !!!! Precisely! ... Hey. You make it sound like a temporary infatuation! I'll have you know, Yuki is quite special to me. Hmph.   
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Change. The. Message. Now! Seriously, he's going to think you're trying to pawn him off on a different partner.   
> **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > I was trying to sound coy :(   
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > I think you should just be honest with your feelings!   
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > The love expert has spoken.   
> **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Don't make me laugh.   
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > What have I missed? Mammon escaped but don't worry; I've threatened to feed him to Cerberus if he tries it again.   
> **   
>  **[Satan] > Asmo!!!**

Satan, who's spent the past few minutes frantically tapping at his D.D.D, affects a calm smile. "There. Check your messages again now."

> **[Asmodeus & Yuki]**
> 
>   
>  **[Asmodeus] > I meant me. The partner you should leave with is me. Not anyone else. **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > As a date. **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Be my date to the party. **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > And in case you're thinking of saying no, I think you should consider the benefits of dating me! **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Benefit 1: I will wear something very pretty to the party.**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Benefit 2: We will be on a date. <3**

Satan's head is in his hands again. Yuki's face is aflame. He texts back a stunned 'can't wait' and flops weakly, facedown, onto his bed. He has a date with Asmodeus. He makes a muffled, incoherent noise into the sheets. Satan pats his back. 

> **What the Hap is Fuckening (7)**
> 
>   
>  **[Satan] > Bravo, Asmo. Bravo.   
> **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Are you satisfied now, O nosy love experts I live with?   
> **   
>  **[Beelzebub] > You did good :)   
> **   
>  **[Leviathan] > I take payments for my help in the form of games and anime!  
> **   
>  **[Belphegor] > Can I go to sleep now  
> **   
>  **[Lucifer] > Advance warning, Asmo: mess this up, break Yuki's heart, or do anything that makes him want to leave the transfer program and I'll feed you to Cerberus, too.   
> **   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep **


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Belphegor regrets wandering into Yuki's dreams, Mammon is MIA and it's date time with Asmodeus.

Yuki has a feeling he's not getting any sleep tonight.

The first culprit for this is easily identifiable: nerves. Jittery, fizzing, frothing in his chest like carbonation bubbles. He imagines anyone anticipating a date with Asmodeus the following evening might feel this same odd combination of excitement and panic. That's normal.

Less so is the demon sandwich he currently finds himself in.

The cuddly kind. Not the sexy kind.

Belphegor and Beelzebub are nestled either side of him, and it's a testament to the bed's design that it isn't straining under the effort of housing all three of them. The twins infiltrated his room without explanation earlier in the evening, and neither seems particularly interested in moving away.

"Hey, uh, where's Mammon?" Yuki asks, mildly suspicious. It's not like the Avatar of Greed to miss a cuddle session, or an opportunity to hog the bed. Not that Yuki's waiting around for him to show up or anything. Not that he's feeling strangely lonely without Mammon's warmth to curl into, without the familiar sensation of fingers drifting through his hair as he falls asleep. Not at all.

The twins exchange a glance that could only be described as shifty.

"Oh, has he wandered off somewhere?" Belphie asks, carelessly inspecting his nails. "I'm sure he'll come scampering back before long."

Beel nods vigorously. "He's just a little tied up right now."

Yuki narrows his eyes. If he's gained anything from his experiences in the Devildom, it's a refined bullshit detector. "You two know something."

"Hmmmmm, you won't sleep if you worry too much," Belphie drawls, mouth quirked up lazily at the corners. "That'd be bad. I was looking forward to slipping into your dreams." He's flirting to distract; adeptly steering the conversation. Belphegor's like that: shamelessly wielding whichever moods he pleases.

"Maybe I'll dream about living in a house where people tell me things," Yuki suggests, pointedly.

"Unrealistic. Dream denied," Belphie grins, leaning his head against Yuki's shoulder. It's real damn hard to stay annoyed when he's acting so cute.

"Don't worry, okay?" Beel chimes in, fingers wandering carefully down the length of Yuki's arm 'til he can clasp their hands together. The familiar gesture is sweet, warming. "We're here to keep you company tonight, so you can rest easy."

They're not going to spill any details. Maybe Mammon ran afoul of Lucifer again. And Yuki really does need to get some rest, or risk sleep-deprived dumbassery on his date tomorrow. He grumbles under his breath.

The twins clearly sense they've won.

Belphegor shifts, the way a cat does before finding a comfortable place to settle. He ends up with his head tucked between Yuki's shoulder and neck, cuddled close. His warmth's a lulling thing, a sensation like being tugged gently into slumber. "Shhh now. Sleep time, human."

Yuki wraps an arm around him, and gives Beel's hand a squeeze. He feels the Avatar of Gluttony's large body inch nearer too, all that hard-packed muscle and power prompting a tentative sense of safety.

Yuki didn't think he'd sleep at all, but he drifts off in the arms of two demons.

Belphegor does wind up wandering into his dreams, but seems frankly appalled that they involve the residents of the House of Lamentation sporting bunny ears. Serves him right for prying.

The twins accompany him as far as class the next morning, though Belphie doesn't even _go here_ currently. Neither quite mentions the upcoming date with Asmo but both clearly aware of it because apparently Yuki is surrounded by gossipy little shits. Beel keeps stuffing half-nibbled snacks into Yuki's pockets with reminders to 'keep his energy up' and Belphie bids him farewell with a drawled, "I'll see you in your dreams tonight - if you get any sleep, that is." 

Mammon continues to be MIA.

> **[Yuki & Mammon]**   
>  **[Yuki] > I get the sense you're literally tied up somewhere right now. What the heck did you do??**   
>  **[Yuki] > If you're alive, pls gimme a sign so I can sneak some snacks to you.**   
>  **[Yuki] > If you're dead, you better have left me your credit card <3**

No answer comes, but ... Yuki thinks, for a dreamlike second, that a faint tingle passes through their pact-bond. It's a feeling he can't describe and one he's instantly sure he just imagined - like fingertips tracing soft, feathered touches across his very soul. There is the momentary sense of Mammon, surrounding him.

It's gone as quickly as it came, but he feels lighter. Huh. He's gonna have to add 'interrogate Solomon about pacts' to his to-do list (right after 'Asmo').

> **What the Hap is Fuckening? (7)**
> 
>   
>  **[Beelzebub] > Asmo do you need snacks before your date?**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > No thank you, sweetie <3 Just wish me luck finally getting a kiss out of that silly human.**
> 
> **[Belphegor] > Don't expect us to believe a /kiss/ is all you're after.**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > For starters. Don't worry, I'll be sure to tell you all about how sweet he tastes.**
> 
> **[Lucifer] > Why would we need to know that?**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > Oh, honey. You act like I can't sense the way Yuki makes you all feel. Makes me shiver <3**
> 
> **[Satan] > ... That aside, I do hope you both have fun tonight. Good luck.**
> 
> **[Leviathan] > Yeah LMAO, it's not often you go on a date with someone immune to being drawn in by your lust powers and have to rely solely on them actually liking you as a person, huh, Asmo?**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] WOW Levi, way to hit all my insecurities on the head! THANKS!**
> 
> **[Lucifer] > Levi, you're in time-out. Go sit on top of the fridge.**
> 
> **[Leviathan] > THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE. **

Class ends, and the only thing Yuki's managed to accomplish is trading Simeon snacks in exchange for Luke's secret cake recipe. Angels: surprisingly weak to bargaining.

Asmodeus, as promised, is waiting outside. He's twirling a strand of hair continuously around one finger, eyes roving restlessly about the corridor 'til he catches Yuki's gaze. His expression warms into a charming smile, one that sets Yuki's heart tumbling over itself.

"I forgot to ask if you had any party clothes," he says, smoothing Yuki's collar as if to remind him a school uniform's hardly fitting attire for going out in.

"Hazard of being kidnapped away to the Devildom: left all my scandalous outfits at home."

Asmo laughs. "Not to worry; I have enough scandalous outfits to share." 

For the second time in as many days, Yuki ends up in Asmo's bedroom. Today, the mood lighting is a sultry purple and a new garland of fairy lights is strung across the bedpost, twined about a lustrous array of flowers. All the usual bottles and brushes are arranged in organised chaos on the desk, and clothes are already slung across the bed as if he'd begun deciding what to wear earlier in the day. Asmo positions Yuki in front of the floor-length mirror and drags an assessing glance up and down him.

"How revealing are you willing to go?" he asks, toying absently with the hem of Yuki's shirt. "I know humans can be shy about showing their bodies off."

Yuki wouldn't describe himself as shy. Nervous, sure: fucking terrified of not living up to Asmo's hopes, of being too human for him. But confident enough in his own body and bolstered by the new notion that getting close to Asmodeus might not screw up his time in the Devildom.

He unbuttons the top of his school shirt. Asmo's eyes track the movement keenly. 

"What would you dress me in?" Yuki asks.

Asmo's fingers slip just slightly beneath Yuki's shirt, stroking heat into the skin. "Take off that shirt and I'll show you. Trust me?"

"Don't most dates wait 'til the end of the night to get each other out of their clothes?" But he's doing it anyway, fingers stumbling over the buttons as he opens his shirt entirely. The material slips from his shoulders and he lets it drop to the floor.

Asmodeus doesn't immediately answer. He holds up a finger as if to say wait a sec and proceeds to unabashedly stare, gaze dragging slow and thorough across the newly exposed skin. He looks like he's enjoying a favourite show. Yuki squirms under such intense attention, and Asmo holds him still.

"You never told me you have tattoos," the demon murmurs, and when he glances up again his pupils are - quivering, expanding ever-so-slightly. "I like this one." The geometric design following under the dip of the collarbone. "And this one." The roses and feathers mapping from stomach to hip. "You're so full of surprises. Do you have more?"

"Maybe."

A low chuckle. "Could I mark you? For the party." There's an idea glimmering in Asmo's eyes. He scoops a tub from the desk, displays its contents with a grin. _Body glitter_. Pink and black. At Yuki's nod, he gathers glitter on his fingertips and begins drawing a pattern into the bare skin at the hollow of the throat, extending downward to the chest in gentle strokes. His touch leaves tingles in its wake. With a satisfied hum, he presses glitter-coated hands to Yuki's hips - leaving prints in the skin to show just where he's been touched - and urges him to turn to the mirror.

_Asmo's mark._ The lust symbol, shining on his chest like a claim to ownership.

"My mark looks so pretty on you," Asmo sighs, pressed up against Yuki's back and eyeing the sight of them reflected together. He makes a delighted sound like a purr. "We should've done this so much earlier. See how lovely we are together?"

Yuki pauses. "You're not ... upset with me for that? Satan said..."

"Satan is a gossip." Asmo pouts. "Here, put this shirt on; it's going to look amazing on you." The item of clothing in question is almost entirely sheer, leaving a lot of Yuki's chest on display when he pulls it on. The lust mark is displayed prominently.

"You, uh... sure weren't kidding about those scandalous outfits, huh?" Yuki manages, privately hoping it's warm wherever the party is. This thing's so thin, it can barely be called a shirt.

"Oh, honey. You haven't seen anything yet," says Asmo, but his smile's strained. He shifts his gaze about. "...Yuki. I _was_ upset with you. I called you some very unkind names."

The matter-of-fact tone might once have offended Yuki. It makes him half-smile now. It's so Asmo to be utterly unashamed of any and all shade he's thrown.

The demon is pawing through the piles of discarded clothing on the bed now, obviously hunting for his own outfit. His back's to Yuki, and his voice is quieter than usual. "I was confused, you see. Did you know I can sense you? More so since we made our pact, but I am the demon of lust. I have always known when I'm wanted. And I have always been wanted. That is what I am, you understand?" He holds a red shirt to his chest, considers it, tosses it aside. "I can feel that you want me. Ah - don't be ashamed, darling. It's good. I've so enjoyed tasting your lust when we're close, you know? I was... so very confused that you held yourself back from me, from what we both wanted. It upset me. You were supposed to fall at my feet and beg to touch me, you silly human. I'm unaccustomed to having my desires denied. Ah... I sound like a brat. I am, I suppose."

"Do people ... usually fall at your feet and beg for you?"

_"Yes!"_ Asmo says vehemently, tossing another skimpy item of clothing aside. "Even when I don't want them to! And the one person I _want_ to climb me like a tree and worship me simply won't! Do you have any idea how frustrating that is? Do you know how many opportunities I have given you to adore me? I can feel you all the time, under my skin like an itch, hot and sweet and _wanting_ and _lusting_ and repressing it. It offends me! And I can't even use my power to encourage all your nasty, wanton desires to come out! I'm stuck asking my dumb brothers for dating advice because I cannot - truly, I cannot - tell if you even like me!"

He's given up all pretense of choosing clothes at this point and is simply clutching the bedpost, painted nails dug into the wood. His back moves with sharp, heavy breaths.

"I thought you just liked to make me blush," Yuki says around the lump in his throat. "I thought you could tell how I felt and you were just teasing."

"So, you _do_ want me," comes the quiet answer.

"So badly."

Asmo whirls to face him, eyes flaring. "You ridiculous human!" he complains, lip trembling. "Get over here and kiss me right this instant. As payment for making me doubt myself."

And all that tension that has lain low and knotted in Yuki unwinds. He follows the insistent tug beneath his ribcage, the one that always draws him to Asmo. Firm hands cup his jaw, their grip coaxing him to the sweetest mouth he's ever tasted. It feels right, so right, his soul shivers and heat settles in his bones. The pact sings between them. Asmo gasps into his mouth, and Yuki feels him shift into that demonic form: horns twisting from his head, wings slicing through clothes.

"Forgiven?" Yuki rasps, body flushed with warmth.

"No. Yes. Maybe once you remind me how incredibly beautiful I am and how you're blessed to be touching me." Asmo kisses him again, hips angled deliberately against his own.

"We'll be late for the party once I'm done with all that..." But he's grinning because he knows how his demon is going to respond.

Asmo growls into his mouth. " _Fuck_ the party. I want every little bit of your attention on only _me_. All night long."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the rating is uh about to go up. i'm gonna be keeping all the smut to next chapter and saving the last bits of Plot for the final, so those of you who aren't into smut are more than welcome to skip it! 
> 
> can we all say thank you to obey me for the belphie content in the new story update. blessed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get smutty and, shocking nobody, Asmo is amazing in bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> note the rating change! this chapter is just,,, all sex, i'm not gonna lie. this is pure filth. feel free to skip if that isn't your thing. i'm hoping to have the final chapter up by the weekend!

"We don't have to fuck right now if you don't want," says Asmo, between sweet-tasting kisses. It's such a startling thing to hear from a physical embodiment of _lust_. "I want to. Very, very much. But I would also like to lay in bed and make out with you all night. It ... doesn't have to be sex. Just so long as you stay here with me."

And Yuki knows he means it, and that he's trying very hard to be gentle and patient like a human lover might be. But he can also feel the way Asmodeus quivers in his arms, the way his hips twitch, the heat rolling off him. He's so, so pretty when he's riled up.

"What if I want to fuck?"

Asmo pulls in a shuddering breath, licking his lips like he can taste the lust crackling in the air between them. "Then we'll fuck as many ways as you want." His eyes drift shut as if to savour the thought, and he nuzzles into the crook of Yuki's neck. Warm breath tickles the skin; searching, feathery kisses follow. "Have you thought about it before? Have you thought about me? Tell me."

"I've thought about you," Yuki murmurs, gasping sharply as fingers tangle in his hair and coax his head back. Asmo laves hot, wet kisses up the column of his throat like a reward for his honesty. "All those times you invited me in here. _Hell_ , Asmo, that time you had me rub body cream all over you - that time you had me sleep here next to you while you were _naked_ \- I thought I was going to..."

"Going to what?" Teeth tease beneath his jaw. "Pounce on me? Have your wicked way with me? _You should have_. I could feel you aching for me. But I'd never - not without your consent - I'd never, until you asked for it -" Asmo draws back, eyes wild, and cups Yuki's face in his hands. _"Ask me for it."_

Even the _idea_ of refusing is unfathomable.

"Asmodeus..." Yuki maps out the spaces between Asmo's wings with gentle fingertips, nudges the torn shirt aside to stroke to the dip of his spine. The demon arches, lips parted on a moan, and melts into his touch. "I... I'm asking you to fuck me. Please." That and more, so much more, but his braincells seem to have relocated to his downstairs region and that's about as smooth and articulate as he's going to get. "I want you."

_"Yes_ , yes, yes," Asmo hisses, pupils blown wide. He reaches back to pull impatiently at his bedsheets, upending them and the clothes scattered atop them. They land in a rumpled mess on the floor. Asmo grabs Yuki by the collar. "Let's get this shirt back off you. Shame; you look so pretty in it."

It joins the mess of clothes on the ground. Asmo's tattered shirt follows. They tumble to the bed together, Yuki luxuriating in the feel of all that silken skin pressed against him and Asmo employing all his considerable skills to remove as much clothing as he can. (And _fuck_ , nothing could've prepared him for the sight of this beautiful, beautiful man slipping out of his clothes. Asmo's gifted the group chat with more unsolicited nudes than it ever needed, but those can't compare to seeing him in person - all long, graceful limbs and soft skin cast in shadows and the bedroom's sultry light. He's a pretty, pretty dream with a wicked smile.)

"Normally I'd make more of a production of getting naked for you," says Asmo on a breathless laugh. He guides Yuki's hand insistently back to that sweet spot between his wings, expression softening with bliss when he gets what he wants. "I'm... mmm... terribly sorry to deprive you of that."

Yuki has a lapful of stunning, naked demon and does not feel deprived of anything at all. He opens his mouth to say as much, but Asmo chooses that moment to _grind_ just so on his lap and all rational thought flies out the window. Yuki presses his fingers to the sharp lines of Asmo's hipbones, feeling like he needs something to hold onto.

  
"How do you like it?" says Asmo softly. "I could open you up nice and slow and you could ride me. You'd look so pretty on my cock. Would you like that? Or do you want to pound me into the mattress? Shall we suck each other? Shall I - _ah_ \- keep grinding against you just like this 'til you come all over me?" His voice drops, a filthy whisper in the ear. "Shall we do all of those things, one after another?"

Yuki wonders how many ways Asmo could break him with pleasure. His cock throbs.

"Everything," he says dazedly, mouth finding the slant of Asmo's jaw and mapping kisses across it. The demon tilts his head, inviting, eager. "Want everything with you. Wanna ride you, wanna still be able to feel you in the morning-"

He _feels_ the purr in Asmo's throat, feels his cock twitch with approval. Whatever other pleas Yuki would've made are swallowed by a kiss, the mouth against his own somehow sensual and bruising all at once. He's pushed onto his back, legs spreading instinctively.

He can feel Asmo moving, and cracks one eye open to see him rummaging one-handed in a bedside drawer. Of _course_ he has a well-stocked lube drawer. Tonight's lube of choice, apparently, is the pink one with the sweet scent of strawberries. Asmo coats his fingers liberally in it, flashing a grin when he catches Yuki watching him.

"Aren't you so glad you came here tonight?" he murmurs, teeth grazing Yuki's inner thigh and finger circling his hole. He presses inside, crooks his finger when Yuki jolts and moans.

"Y-yeah. I'm super glad the dumbass brigade gave you awful dating advice," he manages to retort.

Asmo _tsks_ playfully. "If you're going to talk about other men while I'm fingering you, at least make it sexy."

Another slick finger joins the first, and Yuki's officially all out of witty banter. He _knew_ this man was going to be skilled in bed, but hadn't quite expected to be close to cumming from two fingers curling just right inside him. Asmo chuckles darkly, like he can sense the effect he's had and thinks it's adorable.

"So responsive," he muses, watching intently. "Oh, baby. Are you ready to cum just from this? Did you forget who you were dealing with?" A third finger - _oh, fuck_. The smooth, slick feel of them pumping in and out - the weight of Asmo's gaze drinking in his every reaction - it's _so good_ , leaves him tingling and shaking. The demon's free hand clamps on his hip, stops him from riding those fingers like he aches to. "Stay still for me, love. Just - like - _that_. Such a good boy."

Yuki shivers. _Good boy_. Sure as hell didn't know that was a thing for him. His flushed, twitching cock says it most definitely is.

"Let me ride you - I'm ready, I want it-"

Glowing, honeyed eyes widen with faux-innocence. "Aw, but I could just do _this_ to you all night. You're so fun to play with."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck_. Asmo, stringing him out like this all night - toying with his body - _yes_ , he wants that, but not as much as he wants to ride a thick, hard cock. 

"Please, Asmo, fuck me. I want you so bad. Wanna make you feel good, too."

"Oh? Since you're asking for it so prettily..." Slowly, those fingers withdraw. Asmo settles back on the bed, lounging, and he'd look lazy if not for the wild gleam of his eyes. He strokes his cock, bites his lip as he beckons Yuki nearer. "Come here."

He does, settling onto Asmo's lap and feeling arms wrap securely around him. The demon watches, eyes heavy-lidded, as Yuki positions himself and - _sinks_ onto his cock, filling himself up in a single thrust.

Breathing a shaky moan, he finds Asmo's hand and tangles their fingers. The demon beneath him is making soft, broken sounds - head tipped back, lips parted, back arched. He strokes his free hand down his own body and the sight's so _hot_ it's unreal. Yuki has to touch, too. He follows the caress of Asmo's hand with his own, delighting in the way his body reacts.

"Here... touch here. Sensitive here..." he murmurs, guiding Yuki to circle his nipples and stroke his sides. He's sensitive everywhere, it seems.

Tentative rolls of the hips quickly turn into greedy thrusts, and they're moving together with abandon. Yuki's half-aware of himself frantically chanting _yes, yes, yes_ and then Asmo angles himself if a new way and it gets infinitely better. He's getting close, so close -

But as he nears his peak, Asmo grabs his hips and holds him deliberately still: taking the edge off and then fucking up into him again. Moments later he does it again, senses when Yuki's losing it and expertly stops him, teases 'til he's a mess.

"D-don't you want to pay me back for that?" he asks, panting. "Order me - order me, Yuki. Tell me not to cum 'til you let me. Do it, do it." 

What? "Are... are you sure?"

Asmo nods frantically. "Yes, yes, yes. I want it, I'm giving you permission. Make me wait for it, I wanna feel this way for as long as I can-"

Yuki doesn't even know if the pact's meant to be used like this, but if Asmo wants it, then he'll do it. "I order you," he pants, and feels the power surge - ready and waiting like a coiled animal - beneath his skin. "I order you not to come until I say you can." 

And, _oh_. Heat shivers through the bond, crackles like wildfire, and he feels like Asmodeus is reaching in and touching his soul. Lust rolls off him in thick waves, Yuki can taste it (candy-sweet and languid, tangy and fierce), and he can't tell anymore where his power begins and Asmo's ends. 

The demon gasps, cheeks flushed. "Do you feel that...? Yuki, _Yuki_ , I can feel you - can you feel me?" 

"Yes, yes -"

He rides harder, faster, relentlessly chasing the pleasure sparking in his veins. One of them is mewling, whining, hoarse from moans - maybe they both are. He's close again, desperate, and this time Asmo yanks him closer and drives up into him, fucks him hard as his release hits - finally, finally! - and he comes in messy stripes across them both.

Asmo's still rock-hard inside him. He whines when Yuki slides off his lap; his cock twitches uncontrollably, flushed the prettiest pink. 

"Wanna come?" Yuki asks, taking him in hand and stroking the slick length.

"Mmmmmmmm," comes the hazy reply, and he can tell Asmo is loving this, loving how it feels to be suspended near-orgasm and unable do a thing about it. The demon squirms against the sheets, hips moving. His breathing goes frantic when Yuki kisses over all the sensitive places on his chest, hand working the very tip of his cock. 

"That a 'no'?" He pauses, shivers when Asmo makes the hottest noise in response.

"Ah - yes, yes - I want it, I want it. It's, oh, it's too much - please -"

But he looks downright _delighted_ when Yuki only grins and makes no move to lift the order. 

Yuki finds the jar of sweet-scented lube and, fingers slicked, parts the demon's thighs and circles his rim. Asmo pants loudly, legs spreading wide, gripping Yuki's hair. He's chanting under his breath, a nonsensical mix of _yes_ and _please_ and _I want to come_. 

Slowly, Yuki breaches his entrance. Asmo twitches, whines, arches up off the bed - moans violently when he finds just the right spot. Yuki pumps his cock with one hand, unable to look away from the sheer pleasure on his face.

"Oh, oh - I want to come, make me come, make me come!" He grabs Yuki's face, kisses him wildy. "Please, please, please!"

How could Yuki refuse him? "Come, _now_."

And oh, he does. Mouth open on a silent scream, he shivers and holds Yuki close as he comes. He's still shaking minutes later, eyes closed to savour the feeling.

He exhales, smiling dazedly when Yuki tucks his sweat-slicked hair back from his face. "Oh, I am definitely keeping you, my darling." 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The thrilling final chapter. In which Asmo and Yuki have The Talk, the boys revisit the house's nudity rules, and Lucifer turns to drink.

Demons are extra-snuggly post-sex, Yuki decides. Asmo, always tactile and perfectly content to invite himself into others' personal space, seems moreso than ever: touching Yuki's hair and face, nuzzling into his neck, laying half-atop him and tangling their legs together. It's nice. Every now and then, they exchange lazy kisses.

Yuki wants to suggest that they go clean up - he's covered in come, smeared body glitter and sweat - but tiredness keeps him laying where he is. It took _three_ rounds before Asmo declared himself satisfied - _'for now'_. ("Aw," he'd teased, "did you think we were only doing it once tonight? That's cute.") A discussion about the human body's limitations may be in their near future, Yuki thinks.

Something tickles his chest and he glances down to see Asmo lazily rearranging the messed-up body glitter. A few careful swipes of his fingertips and it looks like the symbol of lust again. Asmo hums contentedly.

"You really like that on me, don't you?" Yuki murmurs.

"Mmm-hmm, very much. I like you wearing my symbol," says Asmo. "You sound like that surprises you."

"A little," Yuki admits. "It's... almost possessive of you."

Asmo tilts his head inquisitively. "Can't I be possessive? I want you to be mine."

They're veering dangerously close to _The Talk_. It's tempting to chicken out because he's pretty sure all that sex has deprived him of rational thought and braincells, but his silence seems to be agitating Asmo and he doesn't want that.

"You mean, like a relationship?" Yuki asks cautiously - maybe, possibly, a little _hopefully_. "You'd want that?"

Looking unbearably fond, the demon steals another kiss. "Of _course_ , stupid. If I was only intending to play around with you, I'd have kicked you out of bed the moment we were done." 

Yuki's expression must be broadcasting his relief loud and clear, because Asmo laughs and strokes his hair. 

"I wasn't sure you were into relationships at all," Yuki admits. "I don't mean that as an insult or to sound judgmental."

But the demon only smiles, clearly unoffended. "I know. I'm not normally interested in forming romantic attachments - I'm not ashamed of that. I'm a creature of lust; I can't help but chase my desires and whims. And that's what I'd need you to understand, if you _did_ happen to be interested in dating me." Here, his smile falters. For the first time, Asmodeus looks uncertain. "Humans are ... often monogamous, are they not...?"

"Sometimes," Yuki agrees, "but not _always_. There are polyamorous relationships, open relationships... There are lots of ways to express love and be with another person, without having to stick to certain expectations of a relationship." If he sounds like he's discussed this before, it's because he _has_. Navigating his own tendency to open his heart to multiple people took some time. 

Asmo, leaning closer interestedly, prompts, "Are you saying you and I could be like that?"

"Well... yeah. I want you any way I can have you, but I'd really love to be able to call you my boyfriend and understand that both of us might still wanna date other people, too." 

Silence stretches for a moment, then two. Asmo is gazing down at him, lips slightly parted. Finally, he closes his eyes and breathes a long sigh of relief. "That ... really, really pleases me, you know? I was quite concerned that my way of life might ... put you off. That you'd think me selfish for wanting to claim you, and wanting to continue being myself too. I didn't like that idea at all." And then, quietly: "I didn't want you to dislike me, but monogamy is... not what I am."

The uncharacteristic uncertainty makes sense now. Yuki cups the demon's cheek in one hand and pulls him in, mouths meeting soft and slow and sweet. He can think of no better way to express his feelings than that.

"I like you exactly as you are," he reassures, in case the kiss didn't get the message across. "Everything about you. I'd never change it."

That gets a breathy, purring moan of approval - so he figures the verbal reinforcement was appreciated. 

"You know," says Asmo, climbing properly atop Yuki's lap, "I didn't used to like that you were immune to my charm. Now, I think ... perhaps I like it very much. Because when you tell me you like me for being me, I know that you mean it. You aren't just saying it because you're all dopey off my power." 

"Genuine respect and affection turning out to be hotter than you thought, huh?" Yuki teases.

"Mmmmmmm, so hot." Asmo presses their foreheads together. "Boyfriend. Mine."

"Yours."

He doesn't know who moves first but they're kissing again, bare bodies sliding together. Sinuous, Asmo moves his hips. Yuki grabs him before he can get all riled up again.

"Uh-uh, too tired for another round," he chuckles. 

Asmo wriggles playfully in his hold. "Doesn't matter, just get me off. I'm far more important."

"Asmodeus!"

A contrite kiss, sweet with laughter. "Joking, joking." Gentle hands stroke his face. "My darling is very fragile and human and I must be careful not to break him."

"Not _that_ fragile."

Asmo just laughs again, brightly. "Come on, beautiful. Up, up, up. Let's go take a bath together, hm? I'll give you a nice, relaxing shoulder rub."

Yuki's pulled to his feet with minimal effort from Asmo, who supports him easily as they move together to the adjoining bathroom. Note to self: even deceptively slender, pretty demons are very strong. 

When the water's run and the fragrances of jasmine and lavender are curling from the steam, Asmo helps him into the bath and settles behind him. He tucks his chin against Yuki's shoulder. "You know..." he muses, and there's something sly about his tone, "it works out rather well for you to be in a relationship like this too, hm?"

Yuki, half-asleep, blinks hazily. "Huh?"

"Well, just think how jealous the rest of the boys in this house are going to be when they hear this! Why, oh _why_ , would that be, I wonder?"

Is he saying...? "Wait, you don't mean..."

Asmo only chuckles, smoothing scented body wash onto Yuki's back. "I'm just saying, I'm not the only one around who's been wanting a piece of you. If you happened to be interested in that. I sense these things, you know."

But that's a thought to over-analyse _later_ , after he's enjoyed this bath and gotten some much-needed rest with his beautiful new boyfriend.

> **Operation: Make Bitches Jealous (8)**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > I hereby create this chat as a safe space to brag about any phenomenal sexual escapades specifically taking place last night.**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > Oh, wait!**   
>  **[Asmodeus] > That was only Yuki and me <3**
> 
> **[Leviathan] > Hey, you don't know my life!**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > HAHAHAHAHAHAHA PLEASE.**
> 
> **[Yuki] > Asmo why are you like this**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > <3 <3 <3 <3 <3**
> 
> **[Belphegor] > Some of us didn't need this chat to know you got fucked last night. SOME OF US, SOME POOR UNFORTUNATE SOULS, saw you prancing buck-ass naked to the kitchen for 'post-round-two drinks' at 1am, Asmo.**
> 
>   
>  **[Yuki] > He didn't even bring drinks back. Just a can of whipped cream. :/ **
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > That's practically milk!**
> 
> **[Satan] > How To Care For Your Human 101, a novel by Asmodeus.**
> 
> **[Lucifer] > How many times have I reiterated the 'no nudity in our home's shared areas' rule? And how many times has every last one of you broken it?**
> 
> **[Beelzebub] > I was only trying to be the naked chef! Stop shaming me! :(**
> 
> **[Satan] > When you make rules, I just have this intense physical need to break them, Lucifer... **
> 
> **[Leviathan] > Ah yeah, I remember that week you declared you were a nudist now. Only lasted 'til the cold weather came in LMAO**
> 
> **[Satan] > I don't want to hear this from the guy who ran stark naked through the house because his pet goat ate all his clothes. **
> 
> **[Leviathan] > Henry the goat... I miss him. **
> 
> **[Lucifer] > Fucking degenerates. **   
>  **[Lucifer] > Excuse my language. I turned to drink the moment this chat popped up. **
> 
> **[Belphegor] > Fair.**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > You're all focusing on the wrong thing! I am dating Yuki and I give you all permission to begin frothing at the mouth with jealousy <3**
> 
> **[Yuki] > So babe, when we discussed how we were going to just quietly tell everyone about us at breakfast tomorrow and not draw attention to it...**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > This is more fun!**
> 
> **[Satan] > So, the party idea worked out? I'm happy for you both.**
> 
> **[Beelzebub] > Congratulations!**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > Actually we didn't make it as far as the party, but thanks anyway! :) All's well that ends well. **
> 
> **[Yuki] > Turns out honest conversations are sexier than schemes. Who'd have thought?**
> 
> **[Belphegor] > So, our resident human is off the market huh... **
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > Oooooooh, there's that jealousy I asked for! But don't worry, sweetie. You all can still have your chance <3**
> 
> **[Yuki] > KNSFKDNGKJNG WHY ARE YOU TELLING THEM THAT. Please nobody take that the wrong way, he's just trying to explain our relationship!**
> 
> **[Leviathan] > So... you /are/ dating?**
> 
> **[Yuki] > We are!**
> 
> **[Asmodeus] > But Yuki's poly and I want an open relationship! I'm sure that information will be of interest to some of you. **
> 
> **[Belphegor] > Oh?**
> 
> **[Satan] > Oh?**
> 
> **[Lucifer] > Oh?**
> 
> **[Mammon] > Oh?**
> 
> **[Lucifer] > Mammon, when in the unholy fuck did you get free**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and we're done! i hope you enjoyed this mess. i had a ton of fun writing it.
> 
> i'm planning on expanding this to a series and giving each boy their own story. i'm thinking it's probably time to give mammon the love he deserves next, but i have plot ideas for satan too. if anyone would particularly prefer one first, please do let me know!


End file.
